Home / Clem Oluwole: Butts From The Blues

Clem Oluwole: Butts From The Blues

Butts from the blue

Spare-tyre Yemi Osinbajo

The spare tyre is an important component of an automobile which many a motorist hardly pays much attention to, me inclusive. Oftentimes, we would drive to a vulcaniser and ask him to gauge the pressure of the tyres without any ...

Read More »

Back to the belly of anaconda!

This story is akin to the experience of the biblical Jonah who was swallowed by a huge fish on the divine order of God for refusing to go to Nineveh to preach repentance to the sinful community. He was fortunate ...

Read More »

Torn between golf and polo

My passion for sports dates back to my childhood. It was football that got me enrolled into primary one through the backdoor. In my days, you would not “smell” the classroom until you clocked six when you were expected to ...

Read More »

Albinos: The endangered species

In elementary economics, we are taught that labour is a veritable factor of production that generates wealth for investors. Most wealthy men and women in civilised climes make their money positively using the human elements in the pursuit of their ...

Read More »

Dangote, always first among equals!

In the Ghanaian mythology, a story is told of a mighty warrior named Ossei Tutu, no consanguinity with the archbishop Desmond Tutu. The latter is a retired South African cleric. Ossei was so pissed off by the murderous activities of ...

Read More »

Bastard money everywhere!

We all dream dreams. While some dreams come to pass, some don’t. In fact, most dreams oftentimes come around to laugh at the dreamers! From my childhood, I had always nursed the desire of becoming one of the richest men ...

Read More »

From Canon Moh’d to Bishop Moh’d

A recent interview granted by the Chairman of the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN), Borno state Chapter, caught my interest not solely because of the content but also the name the interviewee bears. The former head of the Pentecostal Fellowship ...

Read More »

120 minutes with Maikanti

On Tuesday, April 11, 2017, I walked into my office and met an invitation card addressed to me. I opened the envelope (not brown, please but white) and lo and behold, it was the Group Managing Director of the Nigeria ...

Read More »

The Dinomyelitis pandemic

It is customary in medical circle to name diseases after their discoverers. It is a primordial tradition. One example will suffice here: Parkinson’s disease. It is an incurable movement disorder named after James Parkinson, an English physician and politician who ...

Read More »

NBC: Tackling impunity in the airwaves

Last week, the Director-General of the National Broadcasting Commission (NBC), Malam Is’haq Modibbo Kawu, hosted a coterie of notable Nigerian columnists and veteran broadcasters at the Protea/ BON Hotel, Asokoro, Abuja, at a roundtable. At the occasion were members of ...

Read More »

The day Indimi fired my appetite

The first time I set my eyes on the Borno-born billionaire, Alhaji Mohammed Indimi was at the Government House, Bauchi. He had come to see the military governor of the state, then Col. Abu Ali. And I was privileged to ...

Read More »

Magules Against Corruption

Th e title of this piece reminded me of a gripping Roman movie starring Alan Steel entitled “Hercules Against Rome”. I watched the movie, released in 1964, in the late 70s. So, I had to go to the internet to ...

Read More »

PMB, welcome back

On February 3, this year, I did a piece in this space entitled “Buhari and his hyena citizens”. That was barely two weeks into his medical vacation in faraway London. In that write-up, I drew an analogy to paint the ...

Read More »

The menace of sex thieves

On Wednesday, Nigeria joined the global community to mark this year’s International Women’s Day (IWD). The theme of this year’s celebration is: “Be Bold For Change”. Fine! But is there any bold one among them – a minor, a teenager, ...

Read More »

Clem Oluwole

On November 3, 2016 or thereabouts, President Muhammadu Buhari shocked the nation when he confessed that he contemplated absconding from office shortly after he was inaugurated as President on May 29, 2015. He said the ongoing economic crisis made him ...

Read More »

Religious war: How shall we wage it?

Prologue: This piece was first published in this space on June 21, 2012 when the religious war drums were being beaten by some Nigerians.  I have decided to reproduce it in view of the ongoing call to arms especially by ...

Read More »

Buhari and his hyena citizens

Once upon a time, a hunter was returning home after a futile hunting expedition late in the afternoon. He rested his dane gun on his clavicle and held it in place with his left hand while his right arm swung ...

Read More »

The irony of Rann bombing

Penultimate Tuesday, the Nigerian and global communities were jolted by the news of the bombing of a camp housing the Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs) in Rann, the headquarters of Kala-Balge Local Government Area of Borno state. The bombing was not ...

Read More »

Religious monster: Listen to Soyinka

Religions like Christianity and Islam (save paganism), were imported into this country by foreigners. Their main objective was to inculcate into us the virtues of godliness and love. Those who shipped in Christianity educated us that its Founder is the ...

Read More »

Churches and their monikers

I was born into an orthodox church named Baptist. My fellowship with that denomination continued beyond my infantile churchmanship. I had my primary and post-primary education in a Baptist system… first at Kumasi, Ghana, which was my birthplace. When I ...

Read More »

Prospecting for medals in the water

The good news is that an Open Water Swimming Championship named after President Muhammadu Buhari is now in place… less than six months after the 2016 Rio Olympic fiasco and four years after the nation’s most disastrous Mundial outing in ...

Read More »

Kashim Shettima’s tummynomics

In the build-up to Ayo Fayose’s campaign to return to the Government House in Ekiti in 2014, he realised that the quickest way to the electorate’s hearts was through their tummies. But it was not Fayose that introduced rice and ...

Read More »

A Christmas of CHANGE

This year’s Christmas is just 48 hours away and it is like nothing is happening.  Really, CHANGE is here and things have truly changed. I cannot remember what the situation looked like by this time last year after the Change ...

Read More »

Ibadan and its eternal darkness

Ibadan was for a very long time the famed largest city along the West Coast of Africa and second largest to Cairo on the Continent until lately when Lagos and Kano came from behind to relegate the sprawling Oluyole territory ...

Read More »

When fake miracle went awry

Last week, the rumour mill came alive in the ever busy social media. It went like this: An Abuja-based bishop paid a trader a huge sum of N500, 000 not to supply him or his church goods from his shop. ...

Read More »

The seizure of Bagudu Hirse

Last Sunday manifested like the normal opening window of a new week until the early afternoon when news crept in that former envoy and minister of state for Foreign Affairs in the Umaru Yar’Adua administration, Amb. Bagudu Mutle Hirse, had ...

Read More »

Are Nigerians under a car curse?

Most Nigerians are car crazy. I am a Nigerian who also loves cars but not that crazy about them. My love for cars was rooted in my desperation to take the driving seat right from childhood. I was hovering around ...

Read More »

The side effects of APC

The quoted portion of this piece was first published on February 15, 2013, entitled “The dramatic return of APC” which l laced with figuratives.  I have decided to reproduce it today now that the party is in power for the ...

Read More »

I like this anti-corruption war!

My grandma was from the Balogun compound in Offa, Kwara state. Balogun is the head of warriors and has the primary responsibility of defending his community against external aggression. I discovered the urge to war-war when I was barely nine ...

Read More »

Every woman loves the other room!

For more than one week now, the media space has been awash with reactions to the interview which the Wife of the President(First Lady), Aisha Buhari, granted the BBC Hausa Service to the effect that her no-nonsense husband,MuhammaduBuhari, and his ...

Read More »

Another 30 minutes with IBB

The day was Tuesday, September 27, 2016. It was a second chance I had in six years to meet with the former Military President, Gen. Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida, again. The first chance, which I missed, was in April 2010. I ...

Read More »

Who is afraid of malaria?

This question, “who is afraid of malaria?” may not have crossed the minds of most of you out there before now. Not many folks are afraid of this (deadly) disease caused by a tiny but killer insect called anopheles mosquito. ...

Read More »

The Babelian meanings of names

The whole confusion started from the biblical days when the inhabitants of a city called Babel decided to construct a tower that would link heaven and the earth. Before embarking on the unthinkable adventure, the entire earth was peopled by ...

Read More »

Shettima and his Borno cross

My commentaries on Boko Haram’s madness in Borno state began in February, 2012 when I wrote a piece entitled: “Jonathan and Bornophobia”. In that piece, I challenged the immediate past president to visit the epicentre of the terror war in ...

Read More »

Another saint in a US city

On January 10, 2014, I wrote a piece in this column entitled: “A saint in a Sin City”. The commentary followed a December 27, 2013 CNN report on a Las Vegas cab driver named Gerardo Gamboa (I nearly wrote Damboa, ...

Read More »

Nigerian masses and Barmecide feast

In the Arabian Nights, a story is told of a stupendously rich man named Barmecide who invited his friend to dine with him. Dishes were served in due order but there were no victuals in them. However, Barmecide pretended to ...

Read More »

The cross coaches must carry

Some years ago, I did a piece on the above topic. In that write-up, I examined the ordeals that football coaches pass through in their line of duty. The stress, anxiety and uncertainty that usually precede matches, the intensity during ...

Read More »

Rio 2016: Sexualisation of Olympics

It has become a (quadrennial) tradition to provide condoms for athletes and officials participating in the Olympic Games. At the fast approaching Rio Olympics, it is reported that a total of 450, 000 packs of the protective sheaths will be ...

Read More »

What a policeman can do…

The report that a policewoman (allegedly) killed a danfo driver over N500 bribe in the present-day Nigeria caught my attention last Sunday. We have been used to policemen carrying out extra-judicial killings. But a policewoman?!  It beats my imagination. At ...

Read More »

Superstition as a religion

Superstition is a global phenomenon. Every society (worldwide) has a belief it holds on to. Superstition feeds on omens, good or bad. For instance, among the Yoruba, an itchy palm suggests that some cool money is coming your way. Similarly, ...

Read More »