Ember months: Time for relationship hiccups, divorces

Ember months have some special features, and one of them is the annual marriage consummation, and relationships that break up; TOPE SUNDAY writes.

Ember months are the last four months that end the year. The season starts from September, and ends in December. It is a season that is believed in Nigeria to be associated with disasters.

However, it is also a period that heralds the yuletide season with all its accompanying revelries. Also, aside from the imminent celebratory season that the ember months usher in, many marriages are consummated during the season, while many relationships crash abruptly during this period. Findings by Blueprint Weekend revealed that the season records the large number of consummated marriages, and at the same time, witnesses rising cases of relationship breakups.

Marriages

This reporter can confirm that some intending couples settled for the ember months for their marriage because of the weather condition, which is dry during the period under review. The dry season starts in October and ends in March. Also, December is said to be the most preferable month for marriage by some Christians because it affords their family and friends the ample opportunity to grace their occasions.

Across villages and towns in Nigeria, many marriages will be consummated till the end of the year. Also, in churches and other faith-based organisations, many wedding invitations were placed on the notice board to inform their members of the forthcoming marriages before the end of this year.

Speaking with Blueprint Weekend, a resident of the FCT, Mr. Solomon Mark said many marriages are consummated in the period, adding that some people usually target the season for their marriages. Mark, who said he wedded in December in 2007, stressed that his plan was for his family members, who resided far and near to attend because the yuletide was around the corner then.

“Ember months, particularly December, are good for weddings because it affords the family and friends to attend one’s occasion. I married in 2007, and the marriage took place in December, and a large number of my family members and friends attended because Xmas was around the corner,” he said.

For Mr. Patrick Owonbiko, an Abuja resident, many marriages are consummated in the season, claiming that he witnessed a marriage consummated in December 2009, which started off as a ‘mere’ friendship in April of the same year.

“Ember months usually record a higher number of marriages because the season ends the year, and also because of the yuletide. I attended a wedding in December 2009. The couple started as ordinary friends around April. It was well attended by family and friends. Aside from this, some Nigerians prefer to have their weddings around December, maybe to ensure that their family members and friends are in attendance.’’

Break-ups

Although this reporter could not ascertain whether marriages break up during the season due to the lack of money, and other factors, he gathered that some relationships come to an abrupt end during this period. Findings by this reporter further revealed that most of the relationships come to an abrupt end during the season because some partners are tired of their struggling relationships.

An Abuja-based jJournalist, who did not want his name in print, recalled an incident where one of his former colleagues who was with one of the media houses with its head office was molested in the office by his girlfriend in 2005 over ember months’ break-up.

“In 2005 or so, a colleague of mine, who hailed from Benue state was molested in our head office in Abuja by his girlfriend because of the ember months’ breakup plan. According to the girl, my colleague promised to buy her a Blue Face phone, but failed to redeem his promise. The lady said, my colleagues started his plan in August in order to frustrate her, but the lady endured till December. But when my colleague did not redeem his promise in December the lady stormed our office where my colleague was molested, harassed and embarrassed by the lady in question,” he said.

Adeyemi Alabi, an Abuja resident, in his view, said he usually stops dating any lady because he wants to cater for his family who are domiciled in Lagos. According to him, he cannot sacrifice his family’s comfort during the season for any lady.

He said: “I am a married man and my family stays in Lagos. I cherish my family so much and I am not ready to sacrifice their comfort and pleasure during the yuletide for anybody. As you know, the Christmas season consumes a lot of money, and in view of the current situation in the country, I usually stop any relationship I have in a few weeks to the Christmas season to enable me to attend to the needs of my family.”

Also, 29-year-old Frederic Samson told this reporter that he was not ready to spend wastefully during the yuletide season on any relationship that he is not sure of where it is heading to. He said the season consumes a lot of money, and asked who among his girls should he spend lavishly on?

“By my observation, the Christmas season consumes a lot of money and because of this, I am not ready to spend lavishly on any lady during this period. I have made up my mind that I will not spend money on any of my girls during this period because I am not sure of where our relationships are heading. Also, who will I spend it on? I am not ready for that and usually, I don’t date during the season because it requires money to please your partner,” he said.

However, Adamawa state-born Comfort Hamman said she could not be frustrated by any many over the ember months’ breakup, arguing that why would a man break up with a lady he was with over the year because of the end of the year’s gift?

She said, “I have not witnessed any breakup during the end of the year. Though, I don’t what may be responsible for it, I can tell you that I would be frustrated by any man over this. Why would a man breakup with a lady over the end of the year’s gift?”