IWD: Liberating Nigerian widows from agonising cultural practices

Widows in Nigerian and other African countries suffer varying degrees of cultural discriminatory practices which are harmful to the women and have negative effects on them, their children and society as a whole, ENE OSHABA writes.

Mrs. Grace-Suzzy Edeh lost her husband on Christmas Day in 1997 and her life has never remained the same following maltreatment she experienced from her husband’s family.

While others were celebrating the season, it was a black day for her and her two sons.

Grace-Suzzy never wished for her husband to die, nor has she ever wished for anyone to die, but her late husband’s family and society made life miserable for her.

Narrating her ordeal she said, “Since my husband died it has not been easy. I faced a lot of humiliation and nobody came to my aid. I tried looking for help severally but no one cared so I put my trust in God and God has been our help.

‘’My husband was a contractor and really took care of his siblings but when he died his siblings didn’t care about my children and I. My in-laws are doing well. The first of my husband’s siblings, who he brought up, is a nurse in Italy but she has never rendered any assistance to the children. Only one of his sisters showed some care but she is not financially okay like her siblings.

“In 2013 my brother in-laws came and said my husband house should be divided into two because my children are not many and while we were still discussing that they took me to court. In fact, the one in Italy was even the person that directed her brothers to take me to court.

‘They were not getting favourable response from the court. For almost one year they were always transferring my case every two weeks because they had money so they were changing lawyers so as to find favour. I had no lawyer but God used FIDA to help me and I got victory at the end and since then no one cared about how we are faring.

 “After that court case ended I expected my husband’s family to show me some love and at least support in taking care of the children because they are all doing well but none of them ever showed concern.”

Similarly, another widow Beauty Ibadu, a mother of six children from Delta state, lost her husband on July 25, 2016.

After the burial, she returned back to Abuja where they reside with her children then her husband’s brother asked to marry her and she refused. That was the beginning of her predicament; none of her in-laws assisted her because she refused to re-marry into the family.

Narrating her ordeal she said, “When my husband was sick and in the hospital none of his family helped us to take care of him. My first daughter got admission into Delta State University and unfortunately her dad died the next day.

After the burial nobody has helped the little girl but they wanted to marry me. My husband had already cautioned me against marrying any of his brothers. So, when the brothers approached me I remembered what my husband said and I refused. I turned his proposal down and that is why no one cares about the children.”

Continuing she said, “In 2014, I was informed about the Rock of Ages Empowerment Foundation (ROAEF) and daddy Ignatius Newman Ezeigbo empowered me with 40,000 and I started plantain business and that was how I was able to enroll my daughter in the university. She will soon graduate.

“My second daughter finished secondary school and there is no money for university yet but I enrolled her in makeup skill acquisition. I am hopeful everything will end up fine.

“I haven’t been selling plantain because I have injury on my leg so I only wash clothes for people and get paid and I am hoping on God to raise my kids.”

These and many more represent the plight of widows in Nigeria who still face discrimination, humiliation, rejection due to archaic cultural systems.

ROAEF intervention

Fielding questions from the media, during the 12th International Widows Day celebration by the Rock of Ages Empowerment Foundation, its Founder, Ignatius Newman Ezeigbo, recalled what inspired him into empowering widows, saying that most widows suffer harmful cultural practices which made life unbearable for them.

He said the Foundation officially started in Maiduguri, the Borno state, but moved to the FCT due to insecurity and continued the work.

Ezeigbo explained that the number of widows has continued to increase by the day, even as he noted that there was need for government to consider the rising number of widows in the society and create a forum to assist them adequately through the ministry of women affairs.

He also advocated that the widows could be contacted through Non-Governmental Organisations (NGOs) working widows especially at the grassroots.

Also speaking a founding member of the Foundation Mrs. Rita Newman Ignatius, said since the Foundation keyed in to the Widows Day declaration by the United Nations 12 years ago it’s been basically about empowerment to ensure the women cater for themselves.

“We try to empower the over 2,000 widows and reduce burden on them. We initially trained them on different skills but when we go for evaluation, we find out they trainees were not doing well because that’s not their real jobs so we changed our method of training and began to train them on what they do so they can maintain that.

“Most of the widows are traders and aside supporting them financially we train them to manage their money in order to keep their business running,’’ she said.

Concerns over widowhood practices

Delivering a lecture titled: The plight of widows in Nigeria and Africa, during the 12th ROAEF Widows Day, Catholic Bishop of Sokoto, Most Rev. Dr. Mathew Kukah, said the issue of widows was a component of the issue of gender especially how badly women were generally treated in the African society especially in Nigeria.

Represented by the Executive Director, Kukah Centre, Rev. Fr. Attah Barkindo, the Catholic cleric added that what happens to widows was a perception of how women were seen within the structure of the different cultures in the country.

He maintained that there was no one strategy that fits everywhere, and decried the fact that Nigeria, though a democratic nation does not practice democracy in the true sense of it.

Kukah stressed that available laws were supposed to protect citizens but that was not so as culture was being used to discriminate against people unconstitutionally.

“We are running a democracy in Nigerian and so laws should protect citizens especially women,and if laws are lacking we have to establish those laws and do away with cultural religious inhibitions, and if you choose to build a cultural state we must build that separately else everyone should respect the constitution.

“We are not running a cultural state, we are running a circular state and every citizen should be subservient to the constitution of the country,” he stressed.

Call to government

Some of the widows who spoke to our correspondent cried out for government’s intervention as bonafide citizens to alleviate their sufferings.

They stressed that they go through a lot and were being looked down on rather than supported.

“We need government to come to our aid because widows are suffering a lot, some of us are still squatting and some have died government should come to our aid especially with housing and loans for business at least low-cost houses for us will be so helpful, someone like me had a house, it was demolition in 2006 that made me move to Mpape Community where I struggle to pay rent,’’ said Grace-Suzzy.

“I call on the government to help us, to always call us once in a while and empower us like Newman is doing, government should empower widows with loans for business so we can take care of our children because it’s not easy, raising the children alone,’’ Beauty lamented.

On the continuous maltreatment of widows, Rita stressed the need for more awareness creation for all to be well educated on necessary things to do with marriage. 

“People need to know that statutory marriage is all about so that when a woman becomes a widow she will know that the state can fight  for their rights because some women here when their husbands die, the family members hijack everything the man and woman worked for together,’’ she added.

On his part, the Bishop Kukah called on the ministry of women affairs and ministry of humanitarian affairs to think of better ways to handle issues of women and gender based violence in a very inclusive manner, expressing worry that the situation was becoming unbearable.

Hope not lost

The Founder ROAEF advised the widows not to give up on life but rather have hope that they will make it in life standing confidently to take care of themselves and their children.

He stressed that widowhood was not a curse, noting that: “However, from our research women force fellow women into unfavorable widowhood practices. Women should stand for women, women should stand for widows and everything will work out fine.”

On her part Grace-Suzzy said, “I always encourage fellow widows not to mess around, sleeping around for money because there are killer diseases out there. So many widows have died and left their children behind to suffer.

“Widow should be empowered and trust in God to take care of themselves and their children instead of letting themselves to be deceived by those who will take advantage of their bodies.”

In the same vein, Beauty said, “Although I have injury on my leg but I go to houses and to do chores for clients and I get paid. I’m thankful to God for making me know the ROAEF because they take care of me.

“I can’t say because I am a widow I will be waiting for who will help me or be begging. I will always work hard and I encourage my fellow widows to work hard and trust in God for the best.”