A colleague of mine once said it is better to watch Nigerians as they entertain you. That, he said, gives you joy instead of the worries and potential heart failure you get when you take most of them serious.
But are Nigerians entertainers? The Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary defines an entertainer as “a person whose job is amusing or interesting people, for example, by singing, telling jokes or dancing”. Going by this definition, an entertainer has the intent to amuse or interest people as he does his entertainment as a job, full-time or part-time. Thus, a lecturer, a bus driver, a journalist, a Minister, a Governor and/or a President of a big country like Nigeria are not entertainers by definition. However, does that mean none of the above can amuse people by their actions or inactions?
Of recent there have been a lot of happenings that are better considered as some of those entertainments. Take the gift of N1.1bn worth of vehicles to Nigerien Government as an example. As soon as that gesture was announced by Federal Government uproar followed. Many writers including some of my colleagues where questioning Nigerian Government for such “an extravagance” instead of using the money to address ASUU strike.
If any of those commentators had taken some moments to use his human brain, they will know that N1.1bn is a joke as far as ASUU strike is concerned. This money which can make my pocket the heaviest among my circle of friends if a far cry from the N200bn per annum revitalization fund agreed between FG and ASUU. It is also money that can be realized from the annual students’ registration by just one of those universities with a students’ population of more than thirty thousand students. Again, N1.1bn may just be enough to settle the electricity bill for ABU Zaria for one year. So how can it be used to solve ASUU strike? Yet, a newspaper columnist will fill a whole page making laughable analysis of how this paltry sum can be used to solve ASUU problem; and Nigerians will use their money to buy the paper. Some will go online and haul all sorts of insults on Buhari for a gift of N1.1bn to a neighbouring country. Surely Nigerians can entertain.
Before I leave ASUU, let me ask about the N1.3 trn revitalization fund. Assuming President Buhari wakes up tomorrow morning and instructs the Zaria woman to release the whole of it to public universities; do you think it is capable of solving the problem it was meant to solve in 2013? Look at this. Since that time, the value of Nigerian Naira has fallen multiple times. For example, a bag of cement that cost about N1,700 then is now N4000. Secondly, the number of public universities continues to increase. Three. The level of decay is now worse even for the universities assessed at that time. By the way, if you understand this Government it will never release any amount near N200bn at once for the so-called revitalization of public universities. With all these, are we not entertaining Nigerians by continuously talking about revitalization funds?
One thing that entertained me recently is pictures of “military operations in Jibia” that flooded the internet. Luckily, at least in Jibia local government, we are now so organized that any military operation or a bandits’ attack that takes place in any part of our local government will be shared within few minutes. So, when these pictures were shared into one of our groups, everyone was laughing because nothing like that has happened. The people who shared the pictures to give the false impression that banditry is being fought by the Nigerian military did not notice that the pictures were taken in a dry season while we are now in rainy season. The dry grasses on the scene attest to that. What made me laugh even more about the pictures is the observation by Alhaji Sani Riko that the criminals in the picture are looking well-fed unlike the hunger-striken Fulani boys who attack us in Nigeria. A Nigerien security operative, luckily we cooperate with quite a few of them, confirmed that the pictures were taken around Niger-Mali border sometime back. This sounds like the Qur’anic story of Yusuf (AS) whose shirt was brought to his father by hostile brothers who claimed that he was eaten by a wolf. The “wolf” carefully ate Yusuf without tearing his shirt. Liars will always amuse you.
A social media post I saw recently made my day. Six public, military-based universities were listed as alternative to ASUU-striking public universities. POLAC, NDA, AFIT and three others. The next question I asked was, how many students can they accommodate? There are currently 40,000 Nigerians studying in Bayero University alone. Someone is telling them to transfer along with all others in other public universities to NDA and POLAC. Hahaha! Laughter go kill person.
The examples are many. Perhaps my colleague is right; I should allow Nigerians to entertain me instead of expecting serious things from them. That is better as my age continues to rise.
Umar Jibia writes from Zaria, Kaduna state
