By Ene Osang
Children do not have as clear an idea of strangers as we adults have. They often think that strangers would be nasty, mean or dirty looking. In fact, most molesters are very clean and friendly. They know exactly how to get a child’s confidence.
Adults talk to strangers all the time, even greet total strangers at the store. Our children see our perfectly delightful friendliness and feel it’s okay to do the same to anyone.
They are not typically skilled in recognising potentially dangerous situations. There is no perfect solution, but the vast majority of abductions are caused by people known to the family or child rather than total strangers.
Approaches to avoid stranger danger:
Teach your children how to behave when they need to approach a stranger; how to behave when a stranger approaches them when they are not with a safe adult caretaker.
Do not use scare tactics like “Never talk to strangers!” If they believe you they’re likely to become very clingy, fearful and may even have nightmares because they fear you can’t protect them.
Later, after they’ve met many very nice strangers, they’ll start wondering why their parents told them not to talk to strangers.
How to teach your child stranger danger safety
Teach them what to do, who to approach, if the child needs help. Usually it is very safe to approach anyone with children, someone who looks like a grandmother, store personnel, people in uniform – like police, firemen – teachers, principals, librarians, doctors, etc.
It is very important for your child to know her name in full and a phone number (hard to do till near five years of age) so you could easily be notified if they are located by someone.
Teach them that if they feel bad or uncomfortable in any situation when they are without a parent or other safe person, they need to get away from where they are.
Teach them it is best to walk in groups, and not take shortcuts through back alleys or dark areas.
If they need to get away; go to a store, restaurant, library, or other safe, public places that are on the way your children often walk, walk that way yourself so you know the area and can give specific examples of where to go for help.
What to do if approached by a stranger and they are not with a safe adult:
Teach them to stay a safe distance away from strangers. If an adult approaches, asking for help, teach them to learn the following phrase: “Wait right here while I get someone who can help you,” then run home. If the “needy stranger” is gone when you come out, call 911.
• Don’t go to anyone’s house when invited for treats without parents.
• Never accept a ride from someone if you don’t have permission from a parent.
• If a stranger approaches saying your mom or dad sent him/her to bring you home, have a secret password. Often the abductor may be a
“known” person – neighbour, delivery person, etc., that may be a molester. If the stranger does not mention the secret password, the child should call for help and never go with that person.
*If an adult or older child wants you to touch parts covered by your bathing suit; run away and tell a parent or a safe adult. Don’t make such an issue of this that your child will be afraid of taking their clothes off at the doctor’s!
• If an adult or older child tells you to keep a secret or do something your parents have forbidden, say “NO!” leave and tell a parent or safe adult.
• Never accept candy or treats from strangers.
• If a stranger happens to grab the child, have them become a screaming octopus. Instruct your child (and practice) “Wrap your arms and legs around anything, fence, bike, post, even the person’s leg (hard to run with a child wrapped around your leg!) and scream out your lungs.”
The older child may have a cell phone. Parent’s number should be on speed dial. If abducted, it’s probably best for the child not to speak obviously, keep the phone on and in a pocket. Parents should listen silently as possible and get the police involved immediately.
